We own a timeshare week in Lake Tahoe. For over 10 years when California was home, it was our yearly vacation spot, our weekend get-away. We loved it there. The last time I was there was May 2004, with Ray, celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary. A month later he died in a car accident.
We have not been back since. For close to eight years, I have avoided this spot. Like. The. Plague. For all the progress I've made in my grief journey, this place was somewhere I simply could not return. I think something in me wanted to keep it frozen in time. And I was pretty sure my heart might never be ready to resurrect it and release it to new memories, new life.
Then, in January, my daughter, Alexa, turned 18, and I wanted to take her away on a mom/daughter trip to celebrate. A couple of free airline tickets and our timeshare resort made this easily affordable. I had it all planned out: I would exchange our week in Tahoe for somewhere on the West Coast. We both love the beach. It would be perfect! With a three month window of time to work with, plus the fact that it wasn't "prime" beach season, this would be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. I called to make the arrangements only to find that, in that whole three-month window there was nothing available along the entire California coast. As a matter of fact, in the entire state of California, the agent on the line informed me, there was only one place available. Yep, it was our timeshare. Really? Right then and there I knew the Lord was squeezing me. Of course.
My heart heard Him. It's time. I thought, maybe this is exactly what I need, what she and I need. I was pretty sure Alexa would be thrilled and for her I could do this. For her I would do anything. I took the week (and only later realized, we would be in Tahoe the week of Easter Sunday).
Late Wednesday, our plane landed in Sacramento, CA, our familiar home of 17 years. We drove in darkness and arrived at the resort late. We were in a time warp. Everywhere she and I turned, our minds' eyes saw vacations from years gone by. Our hearts' ears hearing the echos of a voice long-silenced. It was beautiful. It was good. It was happy, sad. It was hard.
We settled in and, as we reminisced about old memories, we began making new ones. Both, gifts.
We'd planned to ski that Friday, but when Friday came neither of us had the desire to make it happen. Instead we did what girls do. We shopped. We bought a dress for her upcoming high school graduation. In Tahoe. How appropriate and right.
Saturday was a cruise in Emerald Bay, then a drive around the lake. Toward the end, we decided we could not be here and not ski. The next day was Sunday, our last day in Tahoe, and suddenly we knew we had to ski.
Sunday morning we donned our ski gear and got on the slopes of Heavenly Mountain, our familiar ski home. As Alexa and I shooshed down the slopes she'd skied as a child, with her daddy close by her side cheering her on, we revelled in the crisp mountain air flowing through our hair. The view was utterly breath-taking. And eight years later, this view, as familiar as the blood coursing through my veins, was being seen through different eyes. Here we were, in this memory-filled place, so precious to our hearts that it borders on sacred, and something that had been lost the day Ray died, was being resurrected and reclaimed; something dear to us. Something I still can't put a label on or name, but that I know in my heart was precious gain. And in the midst of it all, God was breathing renewal into parts of me that I didn't even know needed renewal.
Eight years later, on the 8th day of April (in the Bible, eight is the number of new beginnings), it's Spring, Resurrection Sunday, we're on Heavenly Mountain, and magically, on this lovely, snow-covered mountain, at 10,000 feet, Alexa sees a newly emerged butterfly stretching its wings. Suddenly, my Father was revealing more of His divine set-up to me. Tears flowed, fogging up my goggles. I needed these simple, yet profound confirmations from Him. God-breathed kisses of new beginnings, of release, of resurrection, of new life. It was time. It was long-since time. And God knew it was here, on Heavenly Mountain, where so much goodness from my old life resided, that I could receive it fully. I was overwhelmed. God, You are so good! Thank you, for divine set-ups.
We'd planned to ski that Friday, but when Friday came neither of us had the desire to make it happen. Instead we did what girls do. We shopped. We bought a dress for her upcoming high school graduation. In Tahoe. How appropriate and right.
Saturday was a cruise in Emerald Bay, then a drive around the lake. Toward the end, we decided we could not be here and not ski. The next day was Sunday, our last day in Tahoe, and suddenly we knew we had to ski.
Sunday morning we donned our ski gear and got on the slopes of Heavenly Mountain, our familiar ski home. As Alexa and I shooshed down the slopes she'd skied as a child, with her daddy close by her side cheering her on, we revelled in the crisp mountain air flowing through our hair. The view was utterly breath-taking. And eight years later, this view, as familiar as the blood coursing through my veins, was being seen through different eyes. Here we were, in this memory-filled place, so precious to our hearts that it borders on sacred, and something that had been lost the day Ray died, was being resurrected and reclaimed; something dear to us. Something I still can't put a label on or name, but that I know in my heart was precious gain. And in the midst of it all, God was breathing renewal into parts of me that I didn't even know needed renewal.
Eight years later, on the 8th day of April (in the Bible, eight is the number of new beginnings), it's Spring, Resurrection Sunday, we're on Heavenly Mountain, and magically, on this lovely, snow-covered mountain, at 10,000 feet, Alexa sees a newly emerged butterfly stretching its wings. Suddenly, my Father was revealing more of His divine set-up to me. Tears flowed, fogging up my goggles. I needed these simple, yet profound confirmations from Him. God-breathed kisses of new beginnings, of release, of resurrection, of new life. It was time. It was long-since time. And God knew it was here, on Heavenly Mountain, where so much goodness from my old life resided, that I could receive it fully. I was overwhelmed. God, You are so good! Thank you, for divine set-ups.
6 comments:
What a beautiful and wonderful post! What a beautiful and wonderful relationship you have with your daughter!
What a beautiful and wonderful relationship you have with God!
Thank you for sharing.
Oh Jeanie! You're one of my heroes of the faith. What a gift you have - can't wait to read more!
*Crying* I remember seeing those pictures...now I know the rest of the story. What a set up- only God can do that. Thank you for sharing Jeanie.
Beautiful. So glad you're writing.
Thanks for reading and joining me on my journey. <3
Hi Jeanie, I remember very clearly that last trip you took with Ray to Tahoe. You returned home to a party on our court. A going away party for the Huckins family. You and Ray were so happy and relaxed. You glowed with your love for each other and the beautiful weekend you had just spent together. I also remember your family returning from Tahoe the first time that Jacob had successfully been on skiis. Ray was SO excited that now he had the whole family up on skis. I'm glad that you and Alexa were able to revive some of your love of Tahoe and memories of good times spent there.
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